I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
