My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
