gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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