But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Is Oprah even human
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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