You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
don't judge my taste in strippers
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The adults are the big ones right?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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