I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
