pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
