Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize