We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
