if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She even gives head with a lisp.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
