Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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