I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
