i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize