Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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