Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
