yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
do herpes really smell.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
