I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize