remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
