I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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