I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
