apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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