My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
