There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I am naked and annoyed.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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