i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
