I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize