I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize