yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i dont even know how to be here
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
