omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize