Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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