It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
