yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
