one two three fourrrrnication!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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