DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
