sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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