I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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