You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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