: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
