one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Sober January is a disaster.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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