Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
