I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
