I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
