Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We are two peas in an std pod
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
