He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
