can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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