New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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