I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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