I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
