I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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