I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
