Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
