i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
