dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
