Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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