She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
