my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
