there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
