I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
