I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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