I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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