your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
