I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
