Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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