I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
