I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
