Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
