i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize