Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
