i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
