Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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