sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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