haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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