Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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