look no pants
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think your dad took our porno
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
