??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
