why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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