I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm always down for nudity.
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