Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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