a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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