so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
