So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
