he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i will never coherently bang her
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
being pregnant is like rehab
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
