I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
