my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
