May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
