he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
