It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
