i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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