i was born a porn star she said
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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