HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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