Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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