I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wish you could order shots online.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
