yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
