The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
