some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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