Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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