I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
