he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
