So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
