Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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