he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
